Feminine Logic

Why are you so mean?” I ask my wife of many years.

Am I beautiful?” she says by way of reply.

You are exceptionally beautiful.” (I mean it. I am not just talking.)

Am I creative?” she asks further.

You are one of the most creative people I know.” (She is a talented, vigorous, imaginative painter.)

Am I a good cook?” (Her cooking used to be downright awful, sickening, literally. Now, nearly everything she cooks is delicious.)

A very good cook, by any standard.”

So, why should I be nice too?”

I stand mute, defeated. Yet, there is one thing that gets to her, one pathway to her self-indulgent, self-centered brain:

Too bad you have such a tiny bottom.”

My wife is obsessed with that small issue. While it’s obvious that 80 % of American women labor to reduce their buttock size, or wish they did, my wife is deeply saddened by the thought, the assessment, the judgment that Nature endowed her modestly in that area. It makes her inconsolable, practically desolate!

Now, I have her full, pleading attention

Reason does not do any good with her. Fortunately, unreason works its magic. She might even consider becoming nicer in the future, just in the hope that I might overlook her small ass.

(By the way, it looks just right to me. It’s her obsession, not mine but what do I know? I am only a man.)


About Jacques Delacroix

I am a sociologist, a short-story writer, and a blogger (Facts Matter and Notes On Liberty) in Santa Cruz, California.
This entry was posted in male chauvinistic pig, Short Stories. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Feminine Logic

  1. Svetlana says:

    Too funny. I’m one of those women who would never ask a man if my bottom is too fat eather – but I let it go years ago – there is nothing I can do about changing the ways my body was created. Bottoms up Krishna!

    • jacquesdelacroix says:

      Svetlana: You should never ask a man anything except: Where is the paycheck? Are you hungry? Do you want to do it again? And: Are those women’s panties or really queer metrosexual man’s underpants?

  2. Bonnie Larice says:

    Krishna, I too have a small bottom, my husband calls me tight ass.
    Be thankful, at least you can find clothes to fit and don’t have the Kim Kardashian booty.
    And Jacques, love what you have. Me and my French-born husband have been married for almost 50 yrs. and he loves my all…
    I miss you on Sundays, wish you were still there.

    • jacquesdelacroix says:

      Bonnie: Read the story again: There will be a test. I have never, not once criticized my wife (or any of my wives) for her bottom (their bottoms). My complaints, if any, are always about bad female bad manners. (I feel strange putting the two words together.)

  3. Treysi H says:

    I love reading your stories. Always entertaining and fun to ponder. Keep writing.

  4. Well thank you, Treysi but I suspect you would say the same to any older, exceptionally handsome guy. Have you read my book of dirty stories? It’s on Amazon (in electronic form). It’s under a pseudonym, for obvious reasons. “Indecent Stories for Decent Women,” by John Rene Adolph.

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