Dude School: Fifteen Principles on How to Be a Man

From twelve to sixty at least, longer if you look young, count on getting the worst seats in public transport, or no seat at all.

Carry children’s bags, of course, but also women’s, including the oversize “carry-on” the over-painted middle-age woman on stiletto heels (the same on all flights), is unable to carry herself onto the plane, much less lift into the overhead compartment.

Learn to enjoy plate leftovers, first, your sister’s, then, your girl-friends’ and wives’, then, your children’s and your grandchildren’s, your great-grandchildren’s if you are lucky.

Accept early the fact that you will earn most of the money but get to spend very little of it. Household money used to be women’s money. Since Women’s Lib, there are two kinds of money: the household’s and hers.

Speaking of household, don’t do any chores that recur regularly or that don’t allow you to work up a sweat in five minutes or less. The exception is taking out the garbage cans but only if they are heavy. The woman in your life will claim that she wants you to share chores equally but, if you do, she will despise you secretly. It will squash her libido and she will blame you for it. Any task that is dangerous, painful or complicated is yours and yours alone.

Drink alcohol every day. Teetotalers live short lives. They are also mostly unsuccessful and they lack generosity. Drinking (in moderation, most of the time) will prime your flattery pump.

How much flattery of women is permitted? There is practically no limit. Everything goes.

Don’t complain or make any noise when you are hurt or sick. Women deliberately invented the common-place idea that men are just big soft babies. In the old days, the idea was fortified by the supposed uniqueness of the pains of childbirth. Now that few Western women experience childbirth without chemical help, the idea is too deeply anchored to combat. Don’t waste your time.

Every so often, you should get in touch with your inner child. Take the little wimp out and beat his ass.

Don’t bother to get in touch with your feminine side though. She is liable to tell you to fuck off.

Make money early in life, or get a job from which you can’t get fired, or acquire much needed and rare skills, such as plumbing. Men who can’t support themselves and men who worry about losing their job usually can’t get it up.

Aim high in your choice of women. If you are mated with a plain woman she will never forgive you her plainness. Although she insists on turning off all lights, if you make love to her only in the dark, she will resent you. Many very beautiful women say they are lonely. That’s because most men are too wussy to proposition them and risk being rejected. Being rejected is part of your job description as a male. Just watch the Animal Planet channel.

Any woman who claims she wants to get laid has a right to it. That’s the way Mother Nature intended it (otherwise, it would be Father Nature; think how ridiculous that would be.) Just find the resources, within yourself if you can, on the Web, if need be.

Don’t argue about money with the woman in your life. It’s easier and cheaper to earn more money than to pay the psychic costs of arguments you can’t win; it’s also cheaper than any divorce and less annoying than counseling.

Make yourself the promise that you will never beat her. She does not have to know about it though.

Most women care deeply about a multitude of tiny things while men only care about a small number of issues they think important. Yield on all the former and be intractable on the latter. If she won’t let you have your way, don’t argue; just walk away or drive away; she will follow you, to have the last word if nothing else. Remember to walk slowly and to drive in a simple pattern: She is slow and gets lost easily. Keep in mind that, not very deep down, they all crave submission (theirs). They just want to make sure they are submitting to the right guy, as Mother advised.

Resist marriage but yield in the end. The folklore of the whole world tells you that when marriage was an all-around good deal for men, they already resisted it. Now that you are expected to do half the dishes if all goes well and to pay all the child support in case it does not, you should sell your skin dearly. Making women compete for your hand will optimize the chance that you get one who is at least very motivated. (Not one who will leave to go and find herself in her early thirties.) Simple rule of thumb: All women want to be married much more than most men. Yet, you must yield in the end because unmarried men die like flies, always did, always will. Also, being married to a woman is still the best way to make and rear children.

© Jacques Delacroix 2005, 2007, 2016


About Jacques Delacroix

I am a sociologist, a short-story writer, and a blogger (Facts Matter and Notes On Liberty) in Santa Cruz, California.
This entry was posted in Cultural Studies, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dude School: Fifteen Principles on How to Be a Man

  1. johnczaja says:

    as always, lotsa wisdom here…thanks Jacques…Merry Christmas

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